Hi, my name’s Michael Angel.
Well, I know it’s unlikely that anyone is actually reading this, or any of my posts on this blog. Or, even if a few people do land on my posts, possibly because of the title, there’s about a coin’s flip chance that they will skip and/or skim over most of what I wrote. That’s alright, I get it, I’ve done the same thing. That’s alright because this is a personal blog anyway. I’m mostly writing it for me. And if anyone does read it, well, that’s just a mild bonus.
I’ve always enjoyed writing. In grade school, every year’s English class had the same daily homework assignment: read a chapter of the book we were supposed to be reading, then, write a summary of said chapter in my notebook, along with a “response” to the chapter content. The teachers only intended for us to write a single short paragraph, and one to two sentences about what the chapter made you think. Most kids, being reasonable, would fill just about a half to two thirds of a page at most in their notebook. But I, who wouldn’t compromise in sharing every piece of my mind, usually filled an entire page; two paragraphs of a summary, and one long one for the response. Sometimes, I couldn’t fit all my writing on the page’s lines, so I’d end up finishing my thoughts in the side margins, in extra small letters, making each new word smaller as I steadily ran out of that space too. I was an interesting kid.
The entire process of writing is enjoyable to me. The first draft flies by in under an hour. The editing work following is much slower but willful and musing. And the polish and “finishing touches” finale, well, that’s often when my best ideas and cleverest statements finally pour out of me. These new concoctions bubble up into awareness, with fresh sentiments simmered, deep deliberations absorbed, and connections dissolving and combining, reducing, but forming into a fine, cerebral meat and potato stew, and all of it done while my mind was in a different kitchen. These are isolated moments of wit, sure, but those have been the moments in my life, when I have thought to myself most, that maybe, just maybe, I can one day become the writer that I have fantasized about becoming.
Unfortunately, while I always have half a mind to sit down and write about what I’m currently thinking about, there are always 4-5 other “halves” of me that urge me with, “a job project that I should work on instead,” “a friend’s function that I have to attend,” or the classic, “It’s already pretty late, I’m tired, I’ll just start tomorrow.” I fend off one diverting thought, then another, but the other voices in me only ever partially retreat, before regrouping for a new siege. A series of battles, as time steadily ticks away for days, then weeks, then months, until now, when finally, I’ve started a blog, but years after I wish I had. I always told myself that I simply didn’t have time for it. But, as I look back in time, I must now be open and honest with myself: the truth is that I always had time. I just chose not to, because choosing to do all those other things was easier for me than sitting down in front of a blank page with the intent to make sustained cognitive demands of my brain. The thought of doing so was hard, it was daunting, and it was anxiety provoking. Even while knowing the whole time that I did want to do it.
I do have some minor experience in blogging, thanks to college (years ago). I had to set one up for a “desktop publishing” class that I was in. Turns out, “desktop publishing” is just university or professional speak for “blogging,” and hence, the class was primarily a course in blogging. I had to make a post every week, and so I wrote about classic rock music (a personal interest of mine), and learned about the roots of rockabilly and punk rock. I kept up with the strict weekly post schedule of the class because I had to, although every post ended up being a blast to write, once I started on it. The experience reignited my love of writing and made me realize that while starting and focusing is hard, if I can start and if I can commit, I just keep going and I don’t want to stop. The first few posts, I had to do, and there was much mental resistance, but with every new post, that resistance got a little bit quieter, and starting became fractionally easier. Unfortunately, the class ended before I could act on my epiphany, and I abandoned the blog soon after. Funny enough, the professor really liked my work and actually offered me a part-time job writing for her friend who owned a blog and I, of course, declined the offer. I really wish I had taken it.
Well, I’ve put it off long enough. I am going to make time, and finally this is going to happen. I Have three personal reasons for finally starting a blog: I want to be a better thinker, a better writer, and a better speaker. I figure that there’s probably lots of people out there who might relate. My reasons are entirely personal, and when I write any post, it will always be with these three goals in mind. I’m a bit rusty, for now, but as I write more regularly, I will be intentional about relearning the rules of grammar/punctuation, expanding my vocabulary and language skills, and occasionally experimenting with different writing styles and structures. I hope that, with every new post, that, over anything else, is what shows.
I really don’t know how many people read blogs anymore, but even one comment on the occasional post would absolutely be amazing, even if the comment is critical. Comments would help me measure my writing (and thinking) progress through the eyes of others. I know that it is unlikely that anyone is watching, and, if that’s the case, then I guess it is what it is, as the phrase goes. Even if no one’s eyes ever land upon this (hopefully) semi-interesting heap of words on the internet, I’d still be happy for having started it. My goals are to become a better thinker, writer, and speaker, and if I do improve in those, then this blog will have been what I really needed it to be.
I’d like to pretend like I’ll be posting about once a week, but I think for now it’s safer to admit that it’ll probably be more like every two weeks, at best.
Thanks for reading!
(picture of me, blurred a bunch)
